Strategies for Thriving (not just surviving) this Holiday Season with Chaandani Kahn (Part 2) | E44

We share practical ways to enjoy the holidays while protecting a healing brain, focusing on blood sugar, hydration, sleep, and realistic boundaries. We reframe FOMO, practice gentle resets, and stack small wins so recovery feels doable and meaningful.

• stabilizing blood sugar with planned meals and snacks
• hydration strategies with minerals and travel tips
• pre-event resets, breathing, and transition time
• scouting quiet zones and setting exit plans
• honoring sleep schedules over social pressure
• scripts for showing up differently and saying no
• mindset shifts away from FOMO toward self-respect
• win stacking, gratitude, and tracking progress
• using cues and lists to manage overload

Email us at lifeafterimpact@gmail.com with your tips for self-care during the holidays.

Connect with Chaandani at www.returntolife.ca and discover how her work is helping bridge the gap between patients and practitioners in the concussion recovery journey.

Email Chaandani: hello@returntolife.ca

Get 20% off your first order of Puori protein with code LIFEAFTERIMPACT by following this link.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Episode Framing
• 1:36 Blood Sugar And Brain Energy
• 4:55 Food Planning And Social Eating
• 8:42 Hydration, Electrolytes, And Travel
• 15:35 Pre-Event Reset And Transitions
• 20:42 Boundaries, Sleep, And Saying No
• 28:13 Letting Go Of FOMO And Mindset
• 34:29 Showing Up Differently And Communication
• 41:23 Gender Roles, Expectations, And Holidays

Transcript

Chaandani Khan: 0:00

I like to describe it as an invitation descends upon you and upon your life really to take a look at where your mindset has been for ha X amount of years, where it is now, and the places that you could take it. Because mindset underpins a lot of recovery.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 0:18

Welcome to Life After Impact, the Concussion Recovery Podcast. I'm Dr. Ayla Wolfe, and I will be hosting today's episode where we help you navigate the often confusing, frustrating, and overwhelming journey of concussion and brain injury recovery. This podcast is your go-to resource for actionable information, whether you're dealing with a recent concussion, struggling with post-concussion syndrome, or just feeling stuck in your healing process. In each episode, we dive deep into the symptoms, testing, treatments, and neurological insights that can help you move forward with clarity and confidence. We bring you leading experts in the world of brain health, functional neurology, and rehabilitation to share their wisdom and strategies. So if you're feeling lost, hopeless, or like no one understands what you're going through, know that you are not alone. This podcast can be your guide and partner in recovery, helping you build a better life after impact. This is part two of my conversation with John Denny Khan about not just surviving the holiday season, but thriving this holiday season. We hope you enjoy the episode. Thanks again for listening and wishing you a very happy holiday. Some people, maybe before their injury, could easily skip a meal and be fine, as turn in terms of their brain's ability to maintain stable blood sugar levels. But after a after a brain injury, the brain's ability to control blood sugar can be affected. And our brain is literally eating up 20% of all of our glucose needs, right? Or like our brain needs glucose. And that idea of energy metabolism, it can be interrupted and it can get a little off track after a brain injury. And so some people might really struggle with blood sugar levels and not recognize that if they maybe were used to skipping breakfast or if they were used to being able to go six hours without eating, now they're wondering why am I getting a headache? Why do I feel nauseous? Why do I feel dizzy? And it does might not even occur to them like, oh, well, I haven't eaten for six to eight hours. Right. And maybe they could get away with that before, but not now.

Chaandani Khan: 2:35

That's the thing, is it's it's really, again, it's really opening your mind to I was functioning a certain way before my injury. How is my body functioning right now? And that certainly doesn't mean that you will be functioning in this way forevermore. It's just right now, what can you do? What can you pull into your existence that will help your give your body what it needs during this critical time of recovery?

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 2:54

Absolutely. Yeah. So I think those are those are big ones. Is it's like wherever you're going, maybe show up with your own, your own food, your own beverages if you're concerned that there might not be something that's good for you at whatever you're going to. Yeah. And then maybe even eating before you go. I think we've all had that experience of, okay, well, I'm just, I think that we're going to eat dinner at five, but then you get somewhere and all of a sudden dinner's not ready until eight. And so now you're just starving.

Chaandani Khan: 3:23

Yes. And now you're starving. And if and if you're struggling with your brain, that's just a whole other level as well that we don't even need to go into. You know what? I I actually I've done that, I definitely have done that before. And I've done that sometimes before certain networking events where like I will specifically eat a little bit, um, you know, to keep my energy up, but also like secretly, if there are really good snackies out, I'm a person who's going to want to beeline for them. So it's it's a fine balance between networking and chatting with actually eating. So, you know, multi-use um that strategy.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 3:54

Yeah. And I'm the opposite. When I'm at a public event, I don't like eating. And so usually for me, I know that I need to eat something before I go because I'm very likely, if I know I'm going to be socializing, I probably want food.

Chaandani Khan: 4:08

See, I wish I wish that I kind of like naturally was set that way and I had to work to make myself eat. I'm like, no, it's just temptation. If there are cakes out, uh, it's just over. So um, we uh we should also just touch on hydration. Um, you know, it's super important to stay hydrated. Um, whether you're drinking water, whether you're in putting electrolytes into your diet, um, Celtic salt as well. That's something maybe you could speak to a little bit. That's a tip that my acupuncturist gave me. Um, and this is right in your realm, so I will not I will not do it justice the way you will.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 4:39

Oh no, I mean, one of my secret ingredients for my gluten-free chocolate chip cookies is this really specific pink salt that I get.

Chaandani Khan: 4:47

Oh, okay.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 4:48

Yeah, it's by Premier Research Labs, and it's a mix of um Hawaiian pink salt and Himalayan sea salt. It's this gorgeous pink color. It's so flavorful, it has lots of natural minerals in it. Um, but that is that's my secret ingredient, not just for my cookie recipe, but for everything I cook.

Chaandani Khan: 5:07

Um I love salt. Good to know. Good to know.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 5:12

Yeah. But the other thing I find is that when the weather gets colder, a lot of times people's natural inclination to drink water goes down because uh it's easier to feel thirsty when it's hot out and when we know that we're just kind of sweaty. And so I find usually in again, being in Minnesota now, um, a lot of times people start coming in in November and they're having dehydration symptoms because they have stopped drinking water now that it's colder out. So that's something that I often bring people's awareness to is just because it's cold out, you still need to stay hydrated for sure.

Chaandani Khan: 5:49

Absolutely. And you know, so drinking a lot of water and being hydrated was something that I always practiced prior to my brain injury. Um, the types of workout that I love to do, they're in heated studios, like very hot, 40 degrees Celsius, of course, because I'm speaking, you know, from Canada over here. Um, so very, very hot temperature. And we're, you know, we're doing cardio, we're lifting weights, we're doing body weights. It's it's a very immersive workout. And I you you definitely notice a difference if you are hydrated versus if you are not hydrated enough in type in classes like that. So then, you know, I that's what I was used to. I had my brain injury, you know, a lot of things in my system just got all muddled, all confused. Um, and then I actively started pulling in, staying hydrated back into my diet and back into my body, you know, just understanding how good that is for your brain and how often we do need hydration. And now at this point in time, I'm happy to say and hope to inspire others by saying that drinking um two to three liters of water a day is just my norm. It's just simply I've just formed a habit. I made a choice again, very much how I chose to start speaking my truth. I just made a choice one day where I'm like, this is my habit, this is how I show up. I bought a very large water bottle so I can just, with numbers on it, with you know, the measurements, so I can just track how much I'm drinking. And and I honestly think that this has been very helpful for me personally in my recovery period as well.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 7:04

I think too, uh, obviously, this being a holiday podcast, lots of people are traveling during the holidays. And I think it's also um an inclination if somebody is flying or in a long car ride to maybe not drink as much as they normally would. And so it is it's very easy to get dehydrated if people are flying. And that's where you have to really pay extra attention of staying hydrated.

Chaandani Khan: 7:27

You really do. And I just I like I know I know people, I've traveled with people who say, Oh, it's a long flight, I'm just not going to drink anything. I could think of nothing worse from a skin health perspective, even your skin health. My gosh, I could go down a whole rabbit hole again in this domain, but flying is actually extraordinarily drying in your entire system, including your skin health. So, you know, I'm that person who's just just throwing back water the whole flight, you know, preferably sitting in an aisle, so I'm not interrupting anybody. But you know what? There's another strategy, right?

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 7:56

That is always my strategy, is I always get an aisle C because I go, I know I'm not gonna be on this four-hour flight and not need to get up.

Chaandani Khan: 8:03

Yeah, either to have like a little stretch or even even honestly to have a little brain break. Um, flying is a topic that that I I speak to quite a lot in in the PPCS community, in means of having conversations with people, opening eyes, providing strategies that can be extraordinarily challenging on your body for so many reasons. So maybe I'll leave it here for now, just agreeing that an aisle seat, if possible, is always great. You can have a little physical stretch, you can have a brain break, you can just move yourself if there's some stimulation from a lot of screens around you. There's a lot of good that can come from that.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 8:33

Well, let's talk about kind of ways that you can protect your nervous system during, again, super busy time.

Chaandani Khan: 8:40

So, do you wanna do you wanna kick this one off? Yeah, yeah, I would like to. I mean, one thing that I like to do, and I think works really well for a lot of people, is to actually start with a reset before going to any events or any types of gatherings. So this could be, let's say you have your day, and maybe in your day you're working. Maybe in your day you're not working right now, but you've gardened a little bit, you've done some hobbies, you've done a little bit of cooking or cleaning, some things around the house. It's really, really a great practice to carve time again, some like downtime into your day between the activities that you're doing during the day and where you intend to go, let's say later on in the evening. So if you take a moment, there are different practices that work well for different people. Um, for some people, I'm practicing some gentle yoga or even some stretching. Maybe you have a yoga mat, you lay on the ground, maybe you don't, and you just lay on your carpet and just some gentle movements for your body. You could go onto YouTube, you could just search gentle stretches, gentle movement, gentle yoga, and be able to follow along if you're not really sure how to move your body. Um, you can engage in some breathing practices. Um, box breathing is something that you know helps to calm the system down. The whole point of what you're doing is really just to take yourself from a space of your brain really interacting with your environment in your day and just firing all different ways into a calming space to be able to kind of reset yourself, feel a sense of calm, and really just kind of ground yourself before going out into the world again to experience different types of um uh stimulation.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 10:10

And I think that could even be, you know, if you are driving to an event, just taking five to ten minutes to sit in your car before you go in and just kind of have a moment where you're not immediately, you know, like you didn't just drive through traffic and then jump out of your car and then run into the building. It's like, let's just get a some transition time.

Chaandani Khan: 10:31

Absolutely. That makes a big difference. And, you know, I I even recommend if you're worried about pulling up in front of someone's house and having someone see you sitting there, or God forbid, someone's like, hey, you're here already when you're just trying to take your little five, 10 minute meditation. Just park down the block. Or if you're going somewhere with a parking lot, just park somewhere else for a little bit, center yourself, and then off you go. And again, this might sound like a small strategy and it might not sound like it does a lot, but I think a lot of people do notice a bit of a difference when they're able to show up for themselves and and find that feeling of of calmness again.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 13:24

Yeah, yeah, I think so too. And it's easy to kind of just get caught up in go, go, go, go, go. And then sometimes you don't even pause to even ask yourself, you know, how do I want to show up in this moment? And so giving yourself that transition of just saying, you know, what do I want to get out of this event? How do I want to show up for myself, for other people? Uh, that can just have a huge impact on how the rest of the night goes.

Chaandani Khan: 13:51

It really can. And especially if you're in a space where maybe your day's been busy, maybe you're feeling you're just like, go, go, go, go, just kind of one of those moments, or even if your system is telling you it's, you know, your system is activated, which happens quite often. Whole other conversation here as well. But if you are feeling that internally, whether from your external environment, your internal body, you know, it's easy to get caught up in the adrenaline trap where you're just in this like go, go, go cycle and you want to have a day and then drive your car and then get to an event and you're just you're operating up here, for example, you know, that can often mask fatigue. Fatigue is often underlying these types of moments where you feel you're most activated. So by taking a moment in your car, just like what you're suggested, Ayla, like that's really important, just to kind of check in with yourself. And if you are operating, I always I'm very visual. So for myself, I always refer to it as operating up here, like above my head. For those who are just listening, I'm holding my hand, I'm waving it above my head. But if you're feeling that, just kind of bringing yourself back down and again, centering grounding can be really helpful, help to help you extend your energy that you have when you get to your next um activity. Um, but also just know maybe tonight I only have an hour in me and then I need to take myself home. I need to have my downtime.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 15:00

Yeah. And the other thing that kind of piggybacks right on that is maintaining that consistent sleep routine. So if people know that they have to travel or that they're gonna go to an event that's a long car ride, you know, it's it's often that we do end up getting our sleep schedule interrupted with all these different holiday plans. And so I think like just doing your best to still, you know, whether that means excusing yourself early, you know, and uh not taking an hour and a half to say goodbye to everybody, but really just saying, okay, like I've met my limit, and I also know that if I stay up too late, I'm gonna pay for it the next day. Just one more excuse to kind of set those kind of limitate time limitations on how long am I gonna be here, how long does it take me to get home? I'm and for me, you know, I I no longer stay up until midnight on New Year's Eve because my sleep actually is more important than watching a ball drop.

Chaandani Khan: 15:57

Yeah, yeah. Yo, no, entirely fair. And, you know, as you're sharing this, I'm just I'm so deeply resonating. As again, I think of my approaching holidays. Um, that's exactly it. And and it's not to say that this is easy. These are not necessarily easy things by any stretch, but it is an active choice that you can make for yourself. And once you get into a pattern of carving out downtime, whether it's, you know, little rest periods in your day, meditation periods in your day, whether it's, you know, putting a whole day of non-socializing between, you know, activities, etc., once you get into that pattern, it feels really good. It's kind of like going to the gym. When you're in that pattern and your body's used to it, you feel like when you don't go, you're like, ah, I need to be there. You know, you develop that need almost. It's kind of like that with downtime. And like you're saying, like that's really powerful what you just shared, that you don't stay up till 12 on New Year's anymore. That's something that, you know, like what a powerful choice you can make for your system. And it really just speaks to how you prioritize your needs. That's huge. We give you snaps for that.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 16:55

I would much rather wake up and start my new year not hungover and not sleep deprived. I'm like, let's start this new year out on the right foot.

Chaandani Khan: 17:04

I know. Let's start this new year without the mask, right? Let's just feel good because we've made good decisions for ourselves. Like that, it's so powerful what you're saying. I got so lit up by these kinds of conversations.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 17:19

Well, and part of it too is you know, not not having FOMO. Like I don't feel like I'm I don't feel like I'm missing out by you know making these choices. I really feel like I'm choosing me, and then therefore I don't feel like I'm I'm missing out on something else.

Chaandani Khan: 17:33

That and I know from the inside that that is a whole process, learning to let go of the feeling of FOMO, especially as a high performing, um, type A, high achiever, high capacity kind of a person. I know that so well from the inside. And I know that from speaking to people like yourself as well as tons of others who have gone through this brain injury experience with that um personality, we'll say, um, that that's a process. And that's something that, oh, in my, in my, in my personal case, I'm like, oh my gosh. Like I just think about the level of FOMO that I first felt because I was used to being. I used to work in the events industry. I was always flying to a new city, I was working 12 hour plus days, I was always interacting with a high volume of people. When I was home, I was hosting, I was busy, I was with friends, I had sports, like just going from that, you know, and then experiencing a level of FOMO when none of that had a place in my life for a while, right? It was a whole process. And so it's really beautiful to hear you speak at this point in time from a place that is so grounded, and you're like, I don't experience FOMO. And and I can say I don't either anymore. That's something that I have totally worked through very intentionally over the years. And it's a beautiful place to be in.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 18:42

Yeah. And it it's also that internal mental switch of saying, if I instead of feeling like I'm missing out on something out here, I'm I'm I'm not missing out on an opportunity to take care of myself. And so flipping that switch and saying, I don't feel FOMO because I actually feel good about my choice of doing something that's healthy for me means that I can actually not be feeling depressed or upset about my choices because I'm actually choosing me. I'm choosing my health.

Chaandani Khan: 19:14

Yes, and you're not losing what are you gaining? In your case, you're gaining the very start of the year, feeling fresh, feeling ready to go, feeling however you feel, you know, on that day when you wake up. Yeah, yeah. Um, I think a lot of a lot of what we're sharing, there's been an underpinning of mindset, of shifting mindset. And this is something that after a brain injury, I like to describe it as an invitation descends upon you and upon your life really to take a look at where your mindset has been for X amount of years, where it is now, and the places that you could take it. Because mindset underpins a lot of recovery. And I'm not sitting here saying that we know we don't need medical professionals. No, no, no, that's not it. Please pull in everything that you think will help you in your recovery period. Absolutely. But I just want to say that mindset plays such a big role, whether it's, you know, healing psychologically, emotionally, in my belief, I feel that, you know, to a certain extent, mindset does have a role and even physical recovery as well. Um, again, I won't take us down that rabbit hole, but but I just want to speak to the concept of mindset. And I know that this is something that is important to you as well. And maybe you can talk a little bit about what showing up means.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 20:29

Yeah, I think that for some people who maybe know that a certain event is just gonna be way too much for them, you there are still ways to show up without physically showing up. Whether that means sending a bouquet of flowers or a card or just calling somebody and saying, I would love to be there, but here's why I can't make it tonight. And and so rather than not communicating with the person who invited you, maybe it's just a moment of, hey, I'd love to connect with you some other time, you know, where we can catch up and have quality time together, but I just can't show up to this big party that you're throwing. And so it can be a way of being authentic, being honest, having good communication, and then finding a different way of being able to hang out with that particular person or group of people in a different setting at a different time.

Chaandani Khan: 21:21

I love that idea. I think that is such a good strategy, just extending that olive branch too, and just saying, hey, but like what about we do something? You know, it's another thing I might add on to that as well. If you are trying out this strategy, to be fair, this can be received in many different ways. And that's something that we can't control for. All we can control for is showing up for ourselves, speaking for what we need, and and being as compassionate and loving and supportive as you can when you're expressing this to someone, right? That's at least that's how I see it internally for me. Um, it can be received in different ways. I think that your strategy is incredible, just offering, you know, another date where it's just the two of you to hang out or go do something, maybe festive, maybe not. Um, but you know, sometimes I've I've found it really helpful again when I was in the depths of my struggles and just really had very low capacity to really explain to people or give more context or give more than I'm so sorry, I can't make it, but I hope you have a great time. Sometimes that was even a lot for me, just depending on where I was and my level of struggle. That day. That year. I found it really helpful finding something. Now I shared this on a different podcast I spoke on, and I was very careful. I think it did a good job by being very careful to kind of pull this apart. And I'm going to do that again today. So I'm not suggesting bold-faced lying is the way to run your life or to run your recovery. But I am suggesting that sometimes in certain occasions, if you feel that, you know, by showing up for yourself, let's say you can't make it to someone's event, and it's really important for them to have you there, sometimes finding something that will help them relate with your state is okay. Perhaps in I'm kind of dancing around the concept of a white lie, but just in a way to be able to cushion it. For example, I'm so sorry I can't make it today. I have a really bad headache, and being in that environment will just set set it off even further. Something like that that is so understandable, and you might have a bad headache, but also on that day, you might not. And I think that it is okay just to think about other symptoms that you've experienced before and bring those into the conversation if that helps someone to understand. And I mean this from a very, you know, maybe it's a bit of a hot take what I'm sharing, and God forbid this clip is just used and there's no context behind it. However, I, you know, I'm gonna need her white lies. Okay, well, perfect. There we are. There's the clip, and it's just me laughing. I'm like, perfect. No, but but I mean, you know, I need a better way of describing it because I I I don't I I don't even think that it's quite a white lie. Like that's not quite the concept. It's just a means of saying, you know, for me, like, and I did I did pull this in um when a couple times when, you know, somebody was really offended that I wasn't able to go and I'd be like, I'm so sorry. If and the truth is that I was a person for years, I experienced headaches that would not go away for three days, four days, five days. By day four or five, I was just at my wit's end. And so it was very much realistic to say and to share that with somebody. I will leave it at that.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 24:15

Well, I think what what I was thinking about as you were talking, um, before I had my back surgery, I had low back pain every single day for seven and a half years of my life. Oh, that's a lot. It was, yeah. And there were some days where I could handle it better than other days. And I think that's kind of what you're speaking to, where when you've got a daily headache or a headache that's practically every day, on the days when you don't have that headache, you kind of don't want to do something that's gonna bring the headache back, right?

Chaandani Khan: 24:43

That's exactly it. If we could stitch what I said together with what you're saying, there we are.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 24:49

Yeah, yeah. It took us a while to get there, but I that's that's really I think what I was hearing you say is that I know what it's like to have chronic symptoms. Yes. And then you on some days your ability to handle them is just there, and on other days it is not. And so I know what that is like, I know what that feels like. And so some people just you have that day where you're saying, I just don't want to rock the boat. I just I don't want to exhaust myself further because I I I just my energy is not there. My ability to tolerate this is not there.

Chaandani Khan: 25:23

Absolutely. No, that was so eloquently said, that's exactly it. And people who have ever experienced chronic pain, like they will hear this and they will instantly know what we're both talking about. They'll just say, yep. And it's such a fine line because generally, you know, like there are occasions where you you love someone and you want to be there and you want to be at their event, you want to support them. That's important. You've committed how long weeks ago, for example. But then you're in this moment where you're like, exactly what you said. You're like, well, if I do, what you know, this is finally like a little moment of like a break from the pain or from the symptom, right? So it's it can be a very fine balance to strike. And it's kind of like a, yeah, every every occasion can look very different.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 26:03

Yeah. And I think this also speaks to um, I mean, I don't want to get too much into like gender, but I think a lot of women take on the role of trying to make everybody else happy. Yes. And by just, you know, saying yes to everything and feeling the expectation of I have to show up, I have to do this. Um, I had a friend who just said she was telling a story about how her sister just was like, you know what? I'm just gonna show up for holidays like every other year moving forward. And and internally, she's like, if I told my mom I wasn't gonna show up, she like her mind would explode. Like the expectation for her to show up and cook for 25 people was so strong that even just the concept of not showing up was like, oh no, that is that isn't unacceptable on every level.

Chaandani Khan: 26:53

Absolutely. I mean, yeah, I I agree with you, not going, I guess, super deep into gender, but but there have been I've had a lot of conversations with women with concussion, like along these exact lines of what you and your friend just talked about, and just how you know society has there's societal programming in everybody in different ways, regardless of gender, of where you grew up, how you grew up, you've just been programmed in different ways, whether or not you realize it. And and that's a that's a massive one. And I, you know, when you first said what she had shared, like every second year, I was like, wow, that's wow, that's beautiful. Look at that personal space, but but this is a perfect example if we kind of go back to the first thing we were just talking about, of how your decision showing up for what you need and what will serve you best can really ruffle feathers and needing to find some kind of like middle ground and how you explain it or how you share it, or you know, how you can make that person still feel cared about and loved, but also get what you need for your own health.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 27:45

Yeah, and it all comes down to being just as kind to yourself as you are to everybody else that you're taking care of. I mean, it really comes down to to taking care of yourself, to self-kindness, to not feeling guilty for not being able to show up in the way that maybe you think everybody else expects you to show up.

Chaandani Khan: 28:04

Or that they tell you they expect you to show up in. Honestly, I'm kind of giggling, but it but it's true, right?

unknown: 28:11

Yeah, yeah.

Chaandani Khan: 28:11

Um, you know, and it's just will highlight as well just how important it is to, like you're saying, to be kind to yourself and just to think before you go to events. Like take a moment, whether it's the week before, the couple hours before, just what will my event look like? What will this evening look like? What will this day look like? How long, just thinking, like checking in with yourself, where am I at today? How long can I stay for? Will I, do I know the venue? Is there an area that's quieter? Oh, if I don't know the venue, okay, what's my maybe as soon as I get in, I'll just do a quick loop around and I'll just check it out and see like, you know, what's happening? Is there a more hectic area? Is there a quieter area? Does this conference I'm going to have a quiet room, for example? That's something that's very important to me. And always look for that. Always talk to the organizers about, right? Um, and just know what your exit strategy is. Just know approximately how long you'll be there and hold yourself to it.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 28:59

Yeah, I love that concept of the exit strategy. Uh, and know how how you're gonna get home, who's your ride, are you driving, what are your options, and uh, you know, sometimes setting that time frame and and then being flexible too. Like if you get somewhere and you thought that you could be there for two hours, but after one hour, you're like, ooh, I'm really not feeling great.

Chaandani Khan: 29:21

That's huge. That that type of flexibility is massive. That's again along the lines of like actively choosing yourself and your needs and potentially your next day, your next few days as well. You know, and and and I think it's you know, it we can't leave, we can't leave without talking about the importance of small, sorry, talking about the importance of celebrating your small wins. I like to talk about win stacking a lot and just how important that is. And, you know, when you think about this in a holiday context, it can look a lot of different ways.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 29:51

Well, and it kind of brings us all the way back to the beginning of our conversation where you just said you were in New York City and you were able to look back and say, wow, like I can do so much more here and be comfortable in my own skin than I could have a year ago. That's a huge win.

Chaandani Khan: 30:07

That's oh, that's massive, exactly. That massive, massive. I mean, a year ago, two years ago, three, like it wouldn't have been possible for me, not even a remote possibility for the first couple years after my injury. And, you know, if that's that's in a you know, more broad, like much broader sort of perspective. But if we look at maybe like the holiday season, you know, if you are able to, maybe you're able to attend an event for half an hour, try to find a win in that. Did you have a good time? Did you connect with someone? Did you reconnect with somebody? Did you laugh? Did you make a great personal or professional connection there? Did you eat a really good piece of piece of cake? In my mind, that is always a win. And I'm not even joking. People who know me really well, when they hear this, they'll be like, Yeah, that's on brand. Um, but but really just trying to drive the point home that, you know, the the way that maybe you used to show up by saying I go to an entire event and I talk at it and I meet X amount of people and I take these meetings on after, for example, maybe like revisiting what success looks like is an important thing before really even dropping into the full holiday season.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 31:09

And I think it's easy to forget where somebody was, you know, a year ago from where they are now. And so sometimes that that just taking that time to reflect can also really highlight those wins. And, you know, in in my practice, it's really common where somebody comes in and they've got, you know, a list of 20 different complaints, right? And maybe this the second their shoulder pain goes away, all of a sudden they're not coming in the next time saying, Oh my gosh, I'm so happy my shoulder pain's gone. They come in and they say, Oh, my knee really hurts. And so it's, I mean, we're we're wired to always, especially when you're going to the like a doctor's appointment, right? Or you're seeing a healthcare professional, the whole reason you're there is because you've got something going on. But as the health as the healthcare professional on the other side of that equation, I do focus on the wins because it's important for people to look back and say, oh yeah, I used to have horrible shoulder pain, I used to have horrible hip pain, I used to have all these aches and pains, and now all of that's gone. And the word like dealing with this other thing, whether it's new or whatever. But it's, I mean, in my practice, I'm constantly encouraging people to celebrate the wins because it does say to them, your body has the capacity to heal. You had this pain, that pain is now gone. Like that's a win.

Chaandani Khan: 32:33

That's no, that's huge. And it's so important to remind people of that. Like that's it's a really good point, you know, looking at the from the practitioner lens and just thinking about people coming to you and just giving, you know, their list of their ailments and their struggles. And that's that applies to to everyday life as well, really, where you know, it can be very easy to become focused on, like what's not working, what didn't work today, what can't I do? Oh my gosh, I just really used to do this, now I'm not doing this. But when you're able to again like employ that mindset, like really take a look at yourself and the way you're thinking, like what's coming up? What are you spending time focusing on mentally? You know, the phrase, um, it's not mine, it's borrowed phrase, but where focus goes, energy flows, right? And so what you're engaging in by bringing in those small wins, I think that that really helps to kind of counteract where someone's energy is going overall. And I know this is a topic you and I could dive further into as well as it's related to a few other things we shared, but really just want to like highlight and underline the concept of mindset and the important role that mindset plays in your entire recovery.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 33:32

Yeah. And I think one of the tendencies that people have is to pay a lot of attention to the moments where they have been forgetful or where they forget something. And they but most people aren't patting themselves on the back every time they remembered something, right? Yeah. And so we can so easily forget or not even bother to stop and look back and say, Well, oh my gosh, look, I mean, I I remembered this, I remembered that, I did this, I did that, I did that. And so that's something that I have developed for myself. And in those moments where I might be forgetful or I might forget something, that is my that I I literally take that as an opportunity to pause and say, What did I remember today? And then all of a sudden that list is a hundred times longer than the list of things I might have forgotten.

Chaandani Khan: 34:17

Yes, it's so powerful. This is where I dust off my soapbox and I'm like, let's talk mindset, let's talk personal growth, let's talk, you know, per self-development, because that like these are strategies that I'm not sure if you've always um shown up this way in your life, but definitely there's a commonality um post-brain injury with individuals who um are able to get themselves into a place to launch into a personal growth journey. That is exactly what you're describing. And, you know, uh one thing that was really, really useful for me, and I still like to use here and there, I'll go through kind of like spurts of using it, is a gratitude journal. You can Google that, you can go to Amazon, you can find it in places. Um, it's incredible because it just kind of helps you lay out your day. And, you know, you don't even need the journal. You could just do a little gratitude practice. You know, even if you're having whether you had a great day, a neutral day, or a really difficult day, it's so powerful at the end of the day, maybe as you're like lying in bed at night, for example, just to think, what are three great things that happened to me today? What are three really awesome things from my day? What can I feel grateful for? And I hear you on some days, there are times where you're like, I can't even think of one. But it's just kind of again like shifting your mindset and and thinking like outside the box. Like it doesn't have to be a massive win. One thing that for me was totally game-changing was when I was in a very difficult place and I was struggling with all so heavily symptomatic in so many ways cognitively. I just was not functional. Um, you know, what I went to was, oh, I had an amazing cup of tea today. And that is something that I've carried with me for years. It sounds like a superficial type of win. No, I took that as like the most deep level of like gratitude, just knowing that I was in a space where I could feel like I it conjured up a feeling of true gratitude to think about how amazing that cup of tea was. And that that was something that I chose to close my day on. And you can do that too. Anyone can do that with any small little things as well.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 36:11

Yeah, absolutely. And those those opportunities to just step outside of yourself and to just do that check-in. And and I think I know when I was a really kind of young teenager, I think I had a very negative self-talk. Um, the thing that really turned that around for me was when I started studying martial arts and I started doing an individualized sport where my improvement relied on me and me only, you know, and I couldn't, I couldn't blame anybody else for any, like for, you know, my lack of progress because it was an individual sport. And there was something about that that really helped me shift my mindset and take ownership over the thoughts that I was telling myself, over my my improvement or my lack of improvement, whatever it was. But I think that over time I have gotten much more conscious of the internal self-dialogue. And like I said, when I have a moment where I start to get frustrated because I maybe forgot something, and then I start to go down that rabbit hole of oh, my brain, I you know, yeah, um, that's usually that is simply my check engine light to say you're doing too much, you're stressing yourself out, you're trying to take too much is on your plate, which is kind of like that's true every day of my life. I've taken on too much, there's too much on my plate. Um, and uh, but at the same time, it's it's a check engine light to say, what do I need to do for myself? Rather than to beat myself up. It is more of a okay, time time to like say, what do I need? Do I need to just make more lists? Do I need to write things down? Do I need to usually my answer is I need to slow down. That's usually my answer.

Chaandani Khan: 37:54

Yeah, right, right. And you know yourself well. So you know that that's it's it's cues as well. It comes to a point of like learning cues that come up. You said it's a check engine light. There are all different cues like this that can come up. And you're at a point now where it's it's so it's I love I love hearing people who have an understanding of what that looks like in their own body and in their own life. And like you said, you're like, that's your cue, that's my slowdown cue, right? Yeah, yeah, same. Like when I start, my uh one cue that I have for myself is when I call them activity centers. When I am really feeling strong, when I've taken on too much, which sometimes I do, I really try actively not to, but sometimes I do. And I'm, you know, I just when I'm in a space where I am feeling cognitively mentally strung out, I will have what I refer to as little activity centers where, you know, maybe I'm sitting at home and I'm working at my laptop, and then all of a sudden I need to unload the dishwasher. But also I should put laundry in and then I abandon that. And next thing you know, I'm back at my laptop, but I'm also thinking, do I need more tea? It's those moments like for me, you know, or like I have like a half-text message that's saved in drafts now that hasn't gone out since the morning, like that, that kind of space. For me, when I notice that I'm in my little activity center space, that's when my cue where I'm like, okay, I think I'm actually a little more tired than like I was thinking that I am. And instantly my go-to is like, I will write a list of what needs to be done or what my centers are, so to say. And then I'll be able to kind of structure my day accordingly and be like, what needs to happen now? What can wait? Um, but that's something that came over time. Definitely came over time.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 39:21

Yeah, yeah. I have the exact same thing that you just described.

Chaandani Khan: 39:25

The activity centers frequently.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 39:27

And then usually my go-to is the same thing. I go, you know what? I need to stop and I need to write a list so that I have things I can check off my list to say, okay, I'm done with that. Yes. My right now I'm trying to half finish way too many things.

Chaandani Khan: 39:42

That's it. That's it. And just realizing like when all those things are kind of dangling half done, that's when I'm like, oh no, I'm not operating very well at all, even though I still probably my system is just like it's it's overstimulated. I'm overstimulated. You know, there's a bit of dysregulation going on. And by creating that list, I feel like that helps to bring um some of it down and center it again. And I mean, you know, when you said that you relate with that in my mind, I'm like, my inner recovering A-type is singing. Of course we like writing lists, you know. Of course we do.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 40:10

Of course we do. And my favorite lists are ones that posted notes where I can rip them up after they're done.

Chaandani Khan: 40:15

Yes, as you say that, I have a pink, a green, and a blue posted note posted back here. It's is this you know, notes are life, lists are life. Ripping them up, being able to actually get rid of them physically is really nice as well. Might also speak to growing up um writing lists versus like digital lists, which I definitely do as well. I like to blend them, but there just is something about having a paper list you can just trash, really honestly, when you're done.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 40:42

I I feel that way too. There's something about just writing it down versus uh, yeah, I think that maybe speaks to my age that I prefer to write things down and not have everything on a phone.

Chaandani Khan: 40:52

Myself as well. Like that's what I'm saying, you know. Like, and it's and I don't know, there's something, there's something about that. But really, just what a powerful strategy to be able to create a list for yourself and then and then kind of move back into the world from there.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 41:04

Yeah, exactly. A good little recentering. It is, it is. Well, oh my gosh, I think we've covered a lot, and hopefully some of these insights will help other people just to um bring more attention to how they structure their holidays.

Chaandani Khan: 41:20

Yes, yes, I I sure hope so. And you know, even I also wish that people who listen to this who are struggling or who have a brain injury, you just want to say like you don't have to do everything that we talked about. I just I hope that you don't feel I was gonna say, I wish that you don't feel overwhelmed by this. I hope that there is at least one part that really resonates and you're able to kind of pull that into your practice for this holiday season, however that looks for you.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 41:44

Yeah. And if you're listening and you have something that's really helped you, email us at lifeafterimpact at gmail.com because we would love to share that with everybody else.

Chaandani Khan: 41:53

I love that idea. Thank you so much for this conversation. This is this has been it's so exciting. It's something that is near and dear to my heart. It's so exciting to talk about. It's exciting the idea of being able to share strategies that hopefully help others as well.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 42:06

Yeah, absolutely. And I wish everybody a holiday full of just good, deep, heartfelt connection with loved ones, friends, family. And with yourself. Yes, yes, and with yourself. Uh Wonderful. Well, thank you so much, Chandani, for joining me and for sharing all of your wisdom and insights. You're just so well spoken. I love talking to you and I love everything you have to have to share.

Chaandani Khan: 42:31

Thank you so much. It's been a total delight. Well, happy holiday to you. Happy holidays.

Dr. Ayla Wolf: 42:39

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